Healing Rifts
by morgana07
Summary: 1-shot. After the events in 'Soul Survivor' it's time to heal some rifts between them. Sam thinks he knows how but isn't expecting Dean's reaction to his choices. *Healing/wary!Dean & worried/caring!Sam* Spoilers!


**Healing Rifts**

**Summary: **_1-shot. After the events in 'Soul Survivor' it's time to heal some rifts between them. Sam thinks he knows how but isn't expecting Dean's reaction to his choices. *Healing/wary!Dean & worried/caring!Sam* Spoilers!_

**Warnings: **_Mild language, schmoop and spoilers._

**Tags/Spoilers: **_Yes, there will be spoilers and it is tagged to 10x03 Soul Survivor._

**Disclaimer: **_I don't own anything._

**Author Note: **_This was prompted by JaniceC678 and my own need to have that ever elusive Winchester bonding moment. Enjoy._

**SPN SPN SPN SPN SPN**

"Junk food? Check. Double bacon cheeseburger with extra onions? Check. Six kinds of pie? Check and…oh damn it. What part of wait to leave until I came back did that angel not get?" Sam Winchester noticed the old car that Castiel and…he made a note to learn the name of the female angel he'd noticed in the car earlier but right then he was too busy making a beeline into the main door of the bunker. "Dean?"

When his brother had come around finally, fully after the cure seemed to bring him back it had taken all of Sam's energy not to grab Dean into a hug and not let go.

He'd been so scared that he not only had lost his brother to the demon side that the Mark had brought out and that he'd have to end up killing Dean or let himself be killed that when he watched those black eyes melt away to stare up at him that Sam swore his legs had nearly buckled in relief.

Of course he'd fought the urge to hug more than an awkward one shoulder one after he'd gotten Dean loose from the ropes to help him stand. He'd all but refused Castiel's offer to help there but needed to reassure himself that this was real even if a piece of Sam couldn't deny the edge of fear as well as hurt that was still inside him.

Sam knew anything Dean spoke were lies, that it had been the demon's way or hurting him to try to make him stop the ritual. He knew it just like he knew that nothing Dean had said while under the control of the Siren had been his brother. It didn't mean some of the stuff hadn't hurt because it had but he'd just push it under an emotional rug like he had with so many of his own doubts and fears.

Right then he just wanted to get some real food into Dean and see what he did remember. Of course he also hadn't wanted to leave Dean alone yet which is why he'd asked Castiel to hang around but as he hurried down the steps, tossing his jacket one way, keys another a low sense of panic began to build when the bunker felt eerily quiet.

"Dean?" Sam struggled with the bag as he was now hurrying through the halls, panic building that something might've happened while he was gone; maybe the cure back fired, maybe Dean got sick or…maybe the demon resurfaced. "Dean!"

Breaking into a full on run toward the bedrooms, Sam nearly slid and fell in his haste to get to Dean's room…where'd left his brother. Every bad thought ran through the younger Winchester's head even as his hand was reaching for the handle, a sick churning in his stomach as he silently prayed not to find his worst fears when he pushed open the door.

"Dean," he let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding when he saw his brother sitting on the bottom of his bed, head down staring at a couple photos in his hand. "Dude, you about scared me to death just now when you didn't answer me. I thought…" he stopped, shaking his head and leaning on the door. "Never mind. I got food."

For a minute Sam thought perhaps Dean hadn't heard him because he was so focused on whatever photos he had. He debated backing out, giving Dean time to adjust to being himself again but just as he straightened to move he heard his brother's voice speak.

"You came back."

"Huh?" Sam blinked, confused and getting more worried. "Yeah, of course I came back," he scoffed then frowned when Dean still didn't look up even at the smell of food. "I…I told Cas to tell you that I was going out to grab you food since I'm not sure how good what's in the kitchen still might be. Didn't you tell you? Where'd he go anyway?"

"Something about a female out in the car and for me to maybe take some time healing before going back to work," Dean kept his head down. "He said you'd gone out to get me food and something about then you getting drunk. I guess I just wasn't sure if you'd want to come back given what I've done this time…or more importantly what I said."

It took Sam a second to comprehend that when it suddenly hit him like a brick what was being said. "You…you thought I'd take off?" he was stunned at this. It had never even dawned on him to think anything like that given what he'd just gone through to get his brother back. "Dean…why would I do that?"

"Maybe because I just tried to use a damn hammer on you or the fact that I stalked you like a piece of prey though the halls or even better I basically laid Mom's death on you along with everything else I said," Dean slowly lifted his head to let his eyes, tired and shadowed but his own green eyes, stare at Sam but it still seemed like he was having trouble focusing. "I told some asshole to go ahead and kill you if he wanted. I knew you were in trouble but went on like I didn't have a care in the world. I know I hurt you this time, Sam so why wouldn't you want to kick my ass to the curb?"

"Because you're still my big brother and we've been through this crap before," Sam sat the bag of food aside to step into the room to see Dean tense slightly. "We've both said crap to one another because of other things or people but we get over it."

"I said your very existence was the cause of Mom's death!" Dean jerked his fingers through his longer than normal hair to notice the slight flicker of pain on Sam's face. "You can't say I didn't hurt you this time, Sammy. I saw the pain when I threw what happened to that guy up. I saw the tears you hid when I said you never had a brother. I hurt you!"

"Yeah, you did," Sam didn't see the sense in lying when that was true. He had been hurt badly by those words even knowing that normally Dean wouldn't have said them to him but he also knew how his brother would react to saying to them now. "You said them, they hurt but so did what you said to me after Purgatory.

"I admit that I've messed up plenty, Dean. I've failed you, Dad, Mom…hell, I've failed myself plenty since I was born and I admit there are days when I wish to God that I hadn't been born so maybe you could've kept Mom and Dad," Sam glanced down to see the photos on the bed weren't the ones he expected Dean to focus on.

He'd been expecting him to have the photos of their Mom but instead he had two of them together. "What about all the stuff I said when you were soulless? What about the stuff I did during that time? You told me to forget it, to let it go because it wasn't me. Doesn't that line of thinking apply to you now? Can't I be the one to say forget it, it wasn't you because it wasn't, Dean. My brother didn't say those things to me. The demon and the Mark did."

"The Mark I still have," Dean pointed out while pushing to his feet to move to the desk but still noticed the slight way Sam tensed, lips thinning. "But you're not scared of me, right, Sammy?"

"I didn't say I wasn't scared, Dean," Sam hated that he was but it was hard to forget that hammer swinging toward his head or the cruel disinterest he'd seen on that rugged face before. "I know in my head you won't hurt me but…it's the memories of earlier that might still bug me for a while," he was quick to grab onto his brother's retreating shoulder. "I was scared for a month after St. Louis."

That made Dean go totally still, turning to face Sam slowly. "That wasn't me," he reminded tightly, hating any mention of that goddamn shapeshifter or the pain he'd caused his still grief stricken brother as well as the doubts he'd caused Sam to have. "This was."

"Physically, this was you. But emotionally, the words it tossed out? Do you blame me for Mom? Did you want to get away from me so bad you chose Crowley over me? Do…do you wish I'd never been born?" Sam knew the guilt was hitting Dean. He could also see an unusual feeling in those eyes that he wasn't used to seeing on his brother and that was doubt: Dean doubted whether or not Sam wanted to be there now.

"No, I don't blame you for Mom because she made the deal to start with," Dean would go to whatever grave he earned believing that. "No, but it seemed to make sense at the time. And I never have or will wish that because you're…" he stopped to take in a slow breath, letting it out slowly.

"What?" Sam asked softly, wondering if maybe he didn't want this answer but steeling himself for whatever came.

"My brother," Dean replied but his voice, back to its usual tone, dropped to the lower one it tended to get when dealing with emotions that he normally shied away from. He turned away from the desk to look into Sam's eyes, meeting and holding them. "My pain in the ass little brother who didn't give up on me even when I told you to."

"You never gave up on me," Sam replied with a small shrug. "Like I said, we don't get to give up in this family cause it's all we have. You're all I have so until someone takes me out I'll fight for you," he paused to clear his throat; hating how tight his throat was feeling. "I was determined not to fail you again."

Dean watched Sam closely and could still see what his brother was hiding. He saw the physical pain, the emotional but he also saw something else. He saw the same insecure little brother that he knew like the back of his hand but was unsure how to take the next step without scaring Sam or breaking his own inner rule to steer clear until he was sure the cure worked fully.

"So…" Sam coughed to try to break the sudden awkward tension in the bedroom, nodding to the bag of food. "You want to try to eat some of this or sleep or…let me cut your hair?"

"I'm afraid if I sleep now I might not wake up me to be honest with you," Dean admitted, worried that he might not be cured and the demon was just hiding until it could assume control again when he suddenly narrowed his eyes at the other suggestion. "I'll let you near my hair when you let me close to yours, little brother so I guess it's food."

Sam smirked but had guessed as much. "I'll take it back upstairs unless you want to eat in here," he picked up the bag. "I think I got enough pie to last you a day or so at least," he wondered when he'd stop wanting to look over his shoulder to be sure Dean was there and not just a figment of some sleepless dream.

"You…you got pie?" Dean stared at Sam's back and noticing finally the containers being laid out on the table in the library instead of the kitchen. He blinked as it finally hit him that Sam hadn't just gone out to get food but his brother had gone out and actually brought back his favorite foods.

He took in the double bacon cheeseburger with extra onions, the double order of fries as well as multiple single servings of various kinds of pie that he liked.

"Is this okay?" Sam asked when he turned to see Dean was just staring at the food and it began to worry Sam that his brother's appetite was fading again. "Dean? Is this okay or would you rather have something else? I can go back and get you…Dean?"

"You got pie and extra onions," that seemed to be what Dean was focusing on right then, tone soft as it he was shocked by what he was seeing.

"Uhh, yeah, that's usually what you want when you tell me to get you food," Sam was hoping he didn't sound as nervous as he was getting by this unusual reaction. "I…I should've asked what you wanted before I left. I'm sorry if I messed it up or…"

The apology was cut off as Sam swallowed the words when Dean suddenly moved around the table to pull a shocked Sam into his arms for a hard hug that was quickly adjusted to not hurt Sam's injured shoulder.

"Even after everything I did and said you still went out and brought me back pie and a burger with extra onions," Dean was stunned that out of everything he'd woken up to, the budding guilt of what he'd done and said recently that it was this seemingly simple gesture of food that broke his resolve.

He'd been convinced he could bury the emotions, the inner worry that maybe this would be what finally drove Sam away and if his brother did pack up and leave he wouldn't have blamed him. Now Dean took in the food that Sam had brought back and realized his brother had still thought to bring him his favorite foods.

"Thank you, Sammy," he murmured, throat tight and his eyes burned with tears he tried to cover until he finally felt a slow arm reach to hug back as if Sam was still unsure.

"For what?" Sam was confused as well as stunned. Normally his anti-emotion older brother did not do the whole hugging thing and especially not recently. "Burgers and pie?"

"For that, for not giving up and I hope for forgiving me for being an ass," Dean held the hug longer than he would have once but suddenly didn't want to let go of the brother that he realized with a sickening feeling he'd come so close to killing. "I'm sorry, Sam. I'm so so sorry."

Sam had been shocked by this. He'd also been hesitant to return the hug but had finally did so, needing the contact and then the moment he felt Dean's grip tighten just enough to hold, not hurt or restrain he felt his eyes burn as tears threatened to fall.

"Just promise me to fight the Mark and let me help you, don't shut me out then we'll call it even," he managed to say with what he hoped was a steady voice. "Please don't make me go through this again, Dean."

"We'll fight it," Dean nodded but knew he'd still fight to protect his brother from too much danger. He'd keep his brother safe from demons, angels or revenge seeking morons who didn't know anything. He'd also keep Sam safe from himself if it came to it.

He held the embrace another moment before slowly easing Sam back to arm's length to see how pale and thin his brother looked. "So, while I eat this stuff…you gonna tell me who nailed you to cause the shoulder to get hurt and when the hell you started looking worse than I feel?"

Sam sank into a chair across from where Dean sat digging into a burger to smile slightly. He often hated the big brother protective side but right now and probably for the next little while he wouldn't complain about it.

"Gonna tell me what the guy who almost crushed my kneecap wants with you?" he countered, seeing a flash of hot green and reminding himself to watch what he said to ignite Dean's temper right then.

"We'll talk," Dean decided while shoving an untouched salad over to his brother. "You eat or I won't eat."

It was an old method to get his brother to eat because when Sam had been sick or stubborn he'd often refused to eat as a kid so Dean had learned the best way to make Sam eat was to threaten not to eat until he did. It worked then and as he watched the mild bitch face form even as Sam's left hand reached for a fork Dean was pleased to see that it still did.

"This won't be easy, Sam," he warned after a while of comfortable silence. "I could still have issues."

"We'll cope," Sam replied. They would because he was not losing Dean again. They'd heal the rifts between them and maybe take Castiel's advice and lay low for a while or find an old fashion hunt.

**The End**


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